piecesofalice

Two days in, and I'm still going. Now with a handy subject line format!

TWO
"Where We're At Now"
Psych (Juliet O'Hara/Carlton Lassiter)

( 'Where We're At Now' )

To quote a comment left for sloanesomething, I am currently feeling in regards to the USA Network television program Psych:

So I was attempting to write some fic for the Porn Battle, but due to the heat being the main focus of every Melbournian, including myself, it turned out like this.

TITLE: It's Rilly Hot
FANDOM: Juliet & Lassiter Variety Hour
PROMPT: Juliet/Lassiter, competition

--

It was a fine day in Santa Barbara, in the middle of a stinking hot summer. Two detectives stood around a squad room.


“Hay, Lassiter,” said the perky blonde one.


“Hay, O'Hara,” said the dour handsome one.


“Should we do some shit? Like, be competitive and stuff?” O'Hara asked, fanning herself with a pamphlet for a Chinese take-out place.


Lassiter shrugged, and took off his shirt. “Too hot. Do it tomorrow.”


“Well,” she replied, in that lazy way you do when you're dying from heat exhaustion, “we could always, y'know, do some porn. In a competitive way.”


Somewhere, someone turned on "Summer in the City" and Richard Beltzer walked past. "Hay," he said.


"Hay," replied everyone.


Then Shawn walked past and was generally annoying. Gus stood beside him and looked awesome, then dragged Shawn away, past Vick who was being underused in her office.


“My cat's breath smells like cat food,” said Buzz from nowhere.


“Awesome,” said That Dude from L.A. Law, who was trying to fish in the police issue fish tank, but the water was boiling from the sun coming through the window. "Who wants boiled guppy?"


“What?” shouted Lassiter, who woke up from a heat nap. Juliet ate an icey pole, and sighed.


“Lassiter. Porn. For the porn battle. Do you want to, like, get in my pants and stuff?”


“Well, we should probably be cute and competitive and...” Lassiter trailed off because the forty degree heat sapped his energy, and he laid on his desk. His partner joined him, sucking on the icey pole in a loud and not-phallic-at-all way.


“Is this sexy? Do you want to try?”


“Oh,” Lassiter said, taking Juliet's icey pole. He attempted to eat it seductively, but ended up gobbling it all in a frenzy - making the desk sticky in the process (note: not in the way you think).


“Ew,” Juliet said, scrunching her nose. “Stuff it, it's too freakin' hot.”


“Yeah. True dat.”


And they sat in the squad room and occasionally complained about how hot it was.


THE END.


Awesome! It just went from 43 degrees to 42! YES.

Dearest Psych;

Hey! How are you? I know you haven't heard from me for a while, but I've been, uh, busy. Y'know. With life, and Life and other shit I'm sure you don't want to hear about. How's this weather, huh? And that local sports team?

Oh, who am I kidding. We're having problems, aren't we. Serious problems, beginning and ending mostly with James Roday. And That Kulchak Woman. And having "Lassie" in your latest episode title. And, oh, setting up awesome partner-love then softy and soundly kicking it in the pants.

You know what you should do? Have an episode where Lassiter's, like, set up for a murder. And then, like, have Juliet be all "noooes, not my partner!", complete with sternum bush and scenes at his place that end in hot sexin' hugs. Y'know, natural plot-line progression and shit.

What do you think? Let me know, because I really do like you, and want to be mates again.

With love and hope,
Your Pieces xoxox

PS: If you can fit in a roundhouse kick to Roday's noggin and/or Maggie in a roller derby costume, you know you're back in mah bed, boo.



( I'd like to think this is kind of a push in the right direction, but I'd be wrong, right? )

In conclusion:



LOOK AT THAT BAD ASS MOFO, YO! LOOK AT THAT SHIT.

Remember that time Juliet O'Hara went undercover as a roller derby girl?



Lobby music plays

Uh. Where was I? Oh. Yes. *clears throat* In association with my gay crush on Maggie Lawson and Mobo, please to be listening to this mix.


( Roller Derby Daze - Maniac's Undercover Mixtape )

Tra-la-la

Ugh, real-life update and a post basically ignoring this week's Psych later. For now - baby fics!

I told jesshelga a couple of weeks ago that she needed to give me some prompts so I could throw myself back into writing fic. See, I've been having this kind of annoying thing where I am, basically, uninterested in anything. So this is my attempt to get myself excited again.

(New eps of Psych? Not helping. Jack McBrayer? Helping a lot.)

Each cut is the prompt I was given. The J.Helg is a masochist, can you tell?


TITLE: Ein eindeutiger Mangel an Inspiration
FANDOM(S): Psych, Criminal Intent and No Country For Old Men meets RL
RATING: M, for adultness
DISCLAIMER: Not not mine. Except Pieces, I own that superb intellectual property.

( Psych, Lassiter/Juliet, ironing board )

( Psych, Lassiter/Juliet, loosened tie )

( LOCI, Goren/Eames, dawn )

( Crossover, Dep. Wendell/Pieces, TEE HEE )

Does the world need a songfic to "Nookie" by Limp Bizkit? No? No? Damn.

I'm watching I Was a Male War Bride at the moment, and there's a scene where Ann Sheridan and Cary Grant are bickering while she's in bed and he's giving her a (very bad) neck massage before she conks out and he (comically) tries to sleep in a chair. Then he wakes up in agony, hops into the bed next to her and she wakes up, chucking a fit before they LOLariously bicker each other to death - and lurve.

It's something I can imagine Juliet and Lassiter doing, and I wish, oh how I wish, I was writing Psych. But, like the most obvious of obvious statements, I'm not - so here. Have some cliche fic (and I promise I'm done spamming with ridiculous squealing for tonight).

TITLE: Four Times Carlton Lassiter & Juliet O'Hara Pretended To Be Married (And One Time They Had To Make-Out To Distract A Perp)
FANDOM: Psych, Juliet O'Hara/Carlton Lassiter
RATING: M-ish, for kissage.
DISCLAIMER: Steve Franks own them. You know it'd be old Hollywood rom-com, all the time under my reign.

( On the contrary. )

I love cliche fic. It flows through my veins like love!

EDIT: VDO and William Fichtner being hot and mean partners who get handcuffed together in Strange Days? YSPLS.

EDIT 2: And then VDO ( spoiler spoilerton ) YEAH STRANGE DAYS, YOU'RE THE BOMB. And, ugh. Still one of the best OTP ending scenes ever. Makes me bawl everytime, loser I am. Bless.

Hawksley's got a new album, and one of the tracks made me think of those poor, unfortunate male souls that are a part of my OTPs. Hey, you've gotta kiss a lot of pidgeons before you get a swan, fellas.

TITLE: Kissing Girls You Shouldn't Kiss
FANDOM(S): Charlie Crews (Life), Carlton Lassiter (Psych), Bobby Goren (Criminal Intent), Roman (Life), Tommy Lynley (The Inspector Lynley Mysteries)
RATING: A nice solid M
DISCLAIMER: None of these characters are mine.

( What time is is now? )

I've decided to set myself a weekly challenge. Every week, I will hit random on Mobo, my Creative Zen, and list the next five songs to come up - regardless of what they are. Then I will use these songs to inspire drabbles/ficlets. Easy, no?

I call this challenge Five Tunes . Because four just wasn't enough. All drabbles have a link to the MP3. It's fic in stereo!


( 'Let's Dance On' - The Monkees (Juliet/Lassiter, Psych) )

( 'Jeden Tag Sonntag' - Farin Urlaub (Garret Dillahunt & Tess Harper) )

( 'Comfort Me' - Shihad (Dani & Charlie, Life) )

( 'Clearlight' - Cordrazine (Miss Parker/Jarod, The Pretender )

( 'Don't Get Me Wrong' - The Pretenders (Juliet/Lassiter, Psych) )


Who knows how long this will last, but by golly, it's fun.

jesshelga's birthday was a hundred years ago. So of course here's her birthday fic now.

TITLE: Comforts of the Miserable
FANDOM: Psych, Juliet/Lassiter
RATING: R-ish
DISCLAIMER: Not not mine.

( The thing about working into the night is, the lights get hazy. )

I'm going to lunch, y'all!

Heaven help me, I've written porn about the modern day Doris and Rock.


TITLE: That Ruthless Gravity, That Foreign Sound
FANDOM: Psych, Juliet/Lassiter
RATING: R, or NC-17 for you Americans
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Really, the show would have more of this and less James Roday if it were.

( She's got an accent on and a top revealing the type of stuff that would make any man's eyes wide. )

Well. That was refreshing and not at all distressing.