a diagnosis is a mystery - "Lassiter Did A Bad, Bad Thing" picspam

[piecesofalice]

Dearest Psych;

Hey! How are you? I know you haven't heard from me for a while, but I've been, uh, busy. Y'know. With life, and Life and other shit I'm sure you don't want to hear about. How's this weather, huh? And that local sports team?

Oh, who am I kidding. We're having problems, aren't we. Serious problems, beginning and ending mostly with James Roday. And That Kulchak Woman. And having "Lassie" in your latest episode title. And, oh, setting up awesome partner-love then softy and soundly kicking it in the pants.

You know what you should do? Have an episode where Lassiter's, like, set up for a murder. And then, like, have Juliet be all "noooes, not my partner!", complete with sternum bush and scenes at his place that end in hot sexin' hugs. Y'know, natural plot-line progression and shit.

What do you think? Let me know, because I really do like you, and want to be mates again.

With love and hope,
Your Pieces xoxox

PS: If you can fit in a roundhouse kick to Roday's noggin and/or Maggie in a roller derby costume, you know you're back in mah bed, boo.

RIGHT.

Re: Roday, and Shawn's really, horribly, nastily awkward interjections in every single scene: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.


You got bonus points for the Kenny Loggins LOLZ and the Flashdance impersonation. The rest? SHUT UP


Luckily, a rather wet and extremely Bad Ass Lassiter walks into the room, and we all squeal with delight.


See, he's arrested some bad guy he's been chasin' for a while, and for a brief, shining moment the whole world is in Lassiter's hands. Look at Juliet! She's like a proud wife!


Dig her Proud Wife Face! "You deserve it, Carlton!"


Lobby music rendition of this song plays

Now this all ends in Kinky Handcuff Sex, right?


Nah, man, this is Season Three of Psy...do I see a nipple?

"Dreamweaver" continues


Uh, where was I? Don't pretend you didn't perve too, Mags.


Seems Lassiter managed to kill Bad Guy during a blackout, then stands over the body and generally looks guilty. His partner really, really wants to cut a bitch.


Really, really wants to.


There's some sort of biff caused by some douche mouthing off, and it's kind of hot. Holster hot. Heh.


LOL VICK


Naturally, Juliet and the crew think our dear Carlton is innocent, let's get some evidence etc etc oh it's Internal Affairs, etc etc. (Notice Juliet's roller derby nail polish making another appearance)


Which means Juliet has to be assigned a new partner, because her current one is, y'know, a suspect in a murder.


Oh, come on, show. Seriously? You want us to believe her reaction to a new partner isn't something more than partner-partnerz? You could have, at the very least, acknowledged they mean something to each other as friends, instead of relegating Juliet to the background of the episode to act as a nucleus for the climax of the episode! That she wasn't even a part of, I might add, because she was...somewhere, probably painting her nails black and thinking of how shit it is to be a female character on a show run by strange men and women who obviously wouldn't know chemistry if it hit them in the face with a pie "hilariously" thrown by Shawn.


Oh, you know I'm right.


Moving on, Forensics bring back evidence that says Lassiter did it, and in the saddest moment ever on television, Lassiter hands in his badge.


I mean, seriously. Look at that sad little kitten face. Look at it!


Could you deny this man the love of a small, perky blonde? No? No? Neither could I. For the price of a ream of paper, you too can make sure this man doesn't go without his much needed daily dose of Juliet, by spamming the producers with faxes scrawled with "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU J/L FOREV" on them.


That said, he does get to wander around in his civvies.


Which means STERNUM BUSH


And some creepy fan service, natch.


He then not-hires Shut Up and Dule the Awesome, and has a bonding moment with a dog in the back of Gus' tiny, tiny car.


Juliet is pretty and hates her new partner.


She really, really hates him. What's with this "letting me drive" crap?! she's thinking. I wish Lassiter was here, and creepily getting angry in a tiny, tiny car.


"FUCK THAT SHIT," says Lassiter, and proceeds to yell about her a) moving on and b) getting to drive, then gets antsy and lunges out of the car after them in a bad attempt to communicate with his one true love partner and ugh I hate this show so much right now.


He goes and becomes a hobo, and we're reminded of our old friend:


I've missed you, Ironing Board as a Representation of Lassiter's Lankiness.


The Sternum Bush™ punctuates a rather boring scene about tapioca and the impossibility of Lassiter fitting into Shawn's shirt, because Lassiter is a MAN with a STERNUM BUSH and PECS while Shawn needs to SHUT UP.


Hobo Chic becomes you, bb.


Later, while being emo, Lassiter receives a ~ruse~ wrapped in a text, and we're reminded of Maggie making Tim Om buy a Blackberry so she can text him all the time because they're BFFs and I must not write RPF.


The ~ruse~ leads to some showdown with Juliet's Faux Partner, but sorry, all I can hear is Gary Wright and it's beautiful. Much like Shawn getting pistol-whipped, really.


LOOK AT THIS BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKER. SERIOUSLY.


Man, I don't even know what's going on here, bar the "I LOVE YOU, MAN-PARTNER, YET YOU CONFUSE ME" look Juliet's throwin'.


Of course, Lassiter is cleared and reinstated and cutely gives Shawn and Gus a voucher for chips, and his cheeks need to be pinched right this instant.


Buzz knows it. Then the episode ended with Lassiter and Juliet pashing and not with Shawn chatting her up.

THE END.

suburbannoir: "Maybe all this Shawn/Juliet is, like, a prelude."
Moi: "Hmmm."
suburbannoir: "Like, Lassiter will get jealous and try to win her back. And they'll have awkward convos in the car like Dani and Charlie."
Moi: "YES."

Roommates: Enabling Unrealistic 'Ships Since 2008.



In conclusion:



LOOK AT THAT BAD ASS MOFO, YO! LOOK AT THAT SHIT.

Comments

[kismeteve.livejournal.com]

Maggie making Tim Om buy a Blackberry so she can text him all the time because they're BFFs

Wait, is this for real? 'Cause if so, they're SO CUTE, and if not, they're SO CUTE.

[piecesofalice.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's real. And she texts him when they're sitting next to each other.

IT'S ADORABLE.

[jesshelga.livejournal.com]

I...speaking of hold music, there are so many things I want to copy and paste and squees I want to squee about the double-pistols and The Sternum Bush and the one cap of him sulking in the back of the tiny Gusmobile.

But all I can think is:

[piecesofalice.livejournal.com]

Can we talk about the Overwhelming Om Hotness? The Grey Fox Hair? The Nipples of Pectoral Bliss?

Leave it to you to find the Return of the Is That a Nipple?

[jesshelga.livejournal.com]

Seeing him poured into a Roday-sized shirt?

Like, I know the physics of that are impossible and dumb, but...thank you, wardrobe department. Thank you.

And all the sternum bush. So much shrubbery! The only thing better would've been if he and Maggie had actually shared scenes!

But I digress. Tim?

I can see a Tim Om Nipple at a thousand paces. Not to be confused with a thousand Paceys.

[piecesofalice.livejournal.com]

Well, the scenes they did share were full of her being bitchy and protective and then she had all the scenes she should have with Lassiter with Faux Partner and...really. Really, Show?

Re-edited version from Juliet's perspective shows Lassiter walking in from the rain:

[atlashrugged.livejournal.com]

Man, he is delicious. Shawn's shirt on Lassiter should be tight because it's overwhelmed with sternum bush/manliness.

I am surprised Shawn doesn't get hit in the face more because of his comments.

[piecesofalice.livejournal.com]

I actually scoffed at the fact Shawn's shirt was baggy and long on Lassiter. Seriously. Seriously. Nipples.

The shit with the cheque? JEEZ.

[jenncho.livejournal.com]

Oh that gif!

[smokingguncafe.livejournal.com]

Re: end animation

I saw that and CAME started squealing because IT JUST GOES TO SHOW WHAT A BADASS MOTHERFUCKER THAT MAN IS

and also because I knew you'd be alllll over that

[piecesofalice.livejournal.com]

Not just A badass, but THE badass.

I mean, come on. COME ON

[izhilzha.livejournal.com]

I still forget how awesome Lassiter is, until we get episodes like this. *watches that clip over and over and over and....*

(I like Shawn more than you do, but I'm glad this episode wasn't a complete waste for you. *g*)

[theonlytwin.livejournal.com]

i missed my sternum bush sporting ironing board man. can't we kidnap and brianwash suggest a spinoff to the writers? the amazingly badass adventures of maniac and carlton, tragic otp extrodinaire? he can wear all open neck shirts, all the time. mmmmm.

[kopernik.livejournal.com]

YOU CAN NOT MAKE ME WATCH THIS SHOW AGAIN.

*maintains*