The Bible said, "let there be light", and along came Marshall Mann. Perhaps that's slightly sacrilicious, but I'm watching Big Brother, what do you expect?

Yes kids, it's My Name Is Marshall time, now with 100% more slings and his overall awesomeness/sexual prowess/love for boobs/pie/etc. Oh, and noir-esque lighting.





Some may say my love for certain men runs into the realms of inappropriateness. Or I seem to have very odd fetishes.

That's why I liked Sir Weller. See, he was kind of fine for a while there. Cute faces and shit, with a pair of tight, tight jeans, but everything was fine and dandy in Pieces' Libido Land.

Then? It all clicked.


Shoulders? Check.


Long piano fingers and fine, fine hands? Check.


Legs for days with inappropriate bunching in the middle and well-cut wardrobe choices? Check.

FUCK YOU WELLER. IT'S THE RAKE FOR YOU. THE MUTHAFREAKIN' RAKE, YO.



...

I'm pretty sure this is one of those moments where you have a tirade in the middle of a shopping centre and then you stop to breathe and notice everyone in the store is staring at you so you just slink out and run to the car.


Exactly.

So this week on everyone's second favourite summer show you're only watching because there's nothing else on, Marshall continued to be awesome.


He's stylin' with a sling, y'all, and Tim Gunn knows this shit works. Mary's got her boobs out, so I'm actually beginning to suspect that it isn't as ODD and OUT OF CHARACTER as we were previously lead to believe.


He impresses the universe and inadvertently breaks open the case later with his amazing knowledge of wood. "Don't," he says to Mary, and we all go "LOLOLOLOL wood *leer*"


During his cottonwood tirade (not dissimilar to mine about him see: above), he pulls some adorable faces.


Adorable. ADORABLE.


..and Mares totally appreciates him for the big wood nerd he his. "Wood, LOLOOLLOLOL *leer*"


Of course, you'd be drunk or high or stupid or a fan of Katy Perry's diverse musical talent not to appreciate a man who not only likes you to eat pie, but practically forces it down your throat.


"LOLOLOL DOWN THROAT *leer*" ...who keeps saying these sexually suggestive things?


I KNEW IT WAS YOU, BADLY DRESSED LADY DEVIL!


No doubt it was also Badly Dressed Lady Devil who lead Mary, myself, [livejournal.com profile] firthgal and most of the female population of the universe to start thinkin' in tune with "Let's Go Crazy" by Prince.


She picked up the phone/Dropped it on the floor/(Sex, sex) is all I heard


OH NO LET'S GO! LET'S GO CRAZY See, Badly Dressed Lady Devil's making even Mary horny for cottonwood. *leer*


Lucky for her, BDLD and us, Marshall continues to make these forty minutes of our life a big ol' perve fest, and really, we're grateful.


Really grateful.




The Pornstache approves of those smooth, 1990s grooves.

I'm sure there's a plot here, but I forgot it. Let's look at other reasons why Marshall is THE GREATEST PARTNER WHO EVER PARTNERED.


He knocks on the door with his foot!


He struts like a mad bitch who's sugar daddy di'n't get her a Tiffany bracelet!


He doesn't look away when Lovely Offerings are offered!


(...okay, there's something stupidly hot here, and I have no idea what or why. I blame you, Badly Dressed Lady Devil. Damn you! Damn you and your crushed velvet dress!)


And, most of all? He's a sweet, caring, generous fella who'll help you transition from allergy suffering trollop to martini-holding "better person" in a couple of easy steps. Look at his little gumboots. Bless.


Did I mention he rocks The Pornstache? Ron Jeremy called, he's jealous of your underpants, dude.


And a goodnight to you, kind sir!



Moral of the story: NEVER listen to women in devil costumes.

(And, as usual, [livejournal.com profile] firthgal has provided us with a (slightly) un-bias recap of this episode, sans Prince and other bad puns.)

From: [identity profile] baggers.livejournal.com


that girl was really into that wooden pole.

mood: drunk o rly?

From: [identity profile] piecesofalice.livejournal.com


Oh, yeah, she LOVES it because it's cottonwood and she loves cottonwood and how it's so cottonwoodish. Trufax.

I am drunk 75% of the time, man. That's probably the only reason I can explain why I downloaded seventy covers of "Hallelujah".

From: [identity profile] piecesofalice.livejournal.com


I cannot see whatever that is you're tormenting me with showing me, as I'm on the front of house computers.

But I'm sure it's brilliant?

And why aren't you in the sticks or something? (I'M READING LUCKY MAG I LOVE IT)

From: [identity profile] jesshelga.livejournal.com


Tomorrow, I leave for the sticks. Tonight, I show my flist what true torment is. Oh, what you started in the House of Kate this evening.

I'm super glad you loved Lucky. But I was hoping we'd hear more about the HEINOUS PLOT TO KILL DORIS DAY.

Also: Goren and Eames sitting on desks, bein' in love.

From: [identity profile] piecesofalice.livejournal.com


I can't see my flist, so tell me all the details of this torment. And why the hell did I start it? I am innocent. Somewhat.

I shall post the LOLarity that is the PLOT to KILL DD, and let the world know that, yes, it's an extract FROM A BOOK. A whole book filled with crack! I'm hopin' she got it on with Howard Keel, grrrrr.

Currently, my Eames and Goren dolls are sitting on top of my DVDs. Close?

From: [identity profile] jesshelga.livejournal.com


You will have to wait until you get home, for it is a video post.

And you are WAY to blame.

Also: Currently, my Eames and Goren dolls are sitting on top of my DVDs. Close?

No.

From: [identity profile] piecesofalice.livejournal.com


I'm worried now. I'm a stressed bunny today, and I'm wondering if I accidently got you into Aussie Pop or something.

*sad faces about her dolls*

From: [identity profile] jesshelga.livejournal.com


Don't be stressed or a bunny. But let's just say that investigating who has covered "Hallelujah" didn't turn out so hot at the House of Kate this evening.

I WANT CAPS OF THE CUTE LOOKS! RAHR! BACONBEAR!!!

From: [identity profile] baggers.livejournal.com


I HAVE SO MANY BREAKABLE TOYS OMFG. FOUR YEAR OLD COMING TOMORROW, HIDE EVERYTHING.

From: [identity profile] jesshelga.livejournal.com


The Strut picture just...makes me...it's all blushy in here.

Fred Weller: legs for miles and his basket area is oddly accentuated to show off that his anaconda don't want none, et cetera.

From: [identity profile] piecesofalice.livejournal.com


I blame Badly Dressed Lady Devil.

Image

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US, BDLD? WHY? Wasn't my dedication to Garret's pointy-ness enough? Didn't Jessie feel the need to caress Tim Om's pale, pale shoulders enough? WHYY.

From: [identity profile] atlashrugged.livejournal.com


Ugh, I still haven't started watching this show. I like his mouth and the subtly hinted at bulge. You'd think he'd be lanky everywhere, which, you know, I have weird images now.


What exactly are you searching for at Getty?

From: [identity profile] piecesofalice.livejournal.com


You're not missing much with the actual show, but if it were possible just to watch the Marshall bits? I'd suggest it that way.

I can't remember what I was looking for - I think "yesterday"? So why the hell a maid with a dead guy came up, I'll never know.

From: [identity profile] atlashrugged.livejournal.com


I wish shows were edited like that. Imagine the time we'd save.

Those keywords are funny. A lot of times the words are ones nobody would ever even come up with to do a search.

I have off but am just sleepy and generally irritable because I cut off a lot of my hair and why are guys jerks/uptight? PARTY ALL THE TIME.

From: [identity profile] piecesofalice.livejournal.com


See, that's the magic of Getty Images - the oddest pictures you can imagine, at your fingertips! I think of a random word, then search it, voila!

1. Hair grows back. Cliche, but true.
2. Boys suck. Cliche, but true.
3. PAR-TAY, I agree. Except I can't look at booze after weekend past. Cliched re: weddings, but true.
4. Just enjoy your time off. Cliche but...wait.


From: [identity profile] atlashrugged.livejournal.com


I searched for voila and got this, which I actually like despite the fact that they think I meant viola.

01. It's okay but frustrating. Especially in the summer when it's humid. Giving up on it is easier.

02. They do for the most part. I don't know if it's the fact that I've always dated older men or what, but guys my age are not enjoyable to me.

Also, there's this intern at work nicknamed Intern Yum Yum (he is) that is always always asking me for my phone number. I have run out of ways to say no and will probably stomp on his face the next time he asks.

03. Weddings are rough. You did look nice, though. I am plotting to steal your hair. But I tend to drink to get drunk so we'll see where I happen to land.

04. I do feel some crazy coming on, so that's something.

From: [identity profile] piecesofalice.livejournal.com


That dude has a really cool aura. And I would fail at being a hippy, mainly because I said that in Keanu Reeves' voice from Bill & Ted. Oh Getty Images.

Re: hair. Do you like headbands? I mean nice onces, not Gossip Girl-esque bow numbers. I adore them, and berets. And they're fantastic for humidity hair.

Re: boys. My advice (from someone who keeps her love life more secret than the CIA) is don't stress the small stuff. And date Yum Yum, because seriously? Even if it's one date, you can say you dated someone named Yum Yum. Gold!

Re: my hair. Take it, man. Cowlick and all. Ugh.

Re: crazy. That's my girl. Throw it to the wind!

From: [identity profile] firthgal.livejournal.com


Oh, the hotness. *faints* Marshall can be my nasty man any time he wants. &hearts I'm still turned on by his knowledge of wood. It's giving me slashy feelings inside. I think I might have to write a Marshall/Charlie get freaky with each other story. Or Marshall/Roman... Why am I so determined to write mansex for Life??? Damian is so damn sensual, which makes me want to see him with men. That's... weird. But Charlie could so appreciate Marshall in ways that Mary never will. And Marshall/Roman is just appealing because Roman is such a predatory villain that he's perfect for slash. Okay, I'll stop babbling now. MARSHALL IS A SEXY BITCH!

From: [identity profile] piecesofalice.livejournal.com


Marshall/Charlie get freaky with each other story. Or Marshall/Roman...

Wait, what!? I do not think I could handle this. I really don't. My poor ol' heart would clap out if you wrote this, seriously, and I'd have to be put in an old folks home.

And as for thinking of Roman as predatory...I just. Have to go away now. O_O

From: [identity profile] tinyplaidninja.livejournal.com


Omg.

I slept instead of watching it DD:

Did anyone upload this? I'm actually watching the new CI right now, but I wanna see this toooo!

I loves me some Marshall. &hearts

From: [identity profile] piecesofalice.livejournal.com


There would have to be a torrent around somewhere (coughthat'swhereIgotitcough), or maybe in the ihearts comm?

I love me some Marshall, too. Marshall, Marshall, Marshall!

From: [identity profile] fatherleary.livejournal.com

late w/e


it would really, really surprise me to learn that Fred doesn't know what he does to us every week.(But he seems humble :sigh:) I mean jesus, they transformed Marshall from the dud he was in the pilot to this adorable badass in hoosier and from then on fucking bulge-tastic, hot as shit, i don't even know what to do with myself kind of amazingness. Why are more chicks not offering up their boobs to Marshall? Christ the bulge is enough to make a girl keel over.
.

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